For anyone interested - I’m starting a weekly goal-setting thing over at The Diabetic Round Table. I’m using the format I learned at the Stanford project and it’s where I’ll be doing diabetes and exercise goals. If you are interested in joining, please:
As a part of my goals this year, Chickens and Eggs is active and updated again. As always, you can see the newest posts listed on the sidebar here. I’m focusing on healthier recipes that also taste great. I figure if I’m only going to eat a little, that little had better be damn good!
Please be sure to check out the newest recipes 
I ran into this quote over on Rob’s blog and it expresses pretty much what I’ve been thinking lately. A lot of changes have been going on around here. A post at a WLS forum I minimally participate in (I hate being the new person) asked what we were letting go of in 2008 and what we were saying hello to in 2009. I thought it was an interesting question and worth pondering.
In 2008, I let go of the need to stay stuck in the swamp. I gave up investing my energy in figuring out “why” and worrying about choosing the right path out.
I started moving forward despite my fears and I found a much more positive space. In 2009, I’m moving forward in my life. I’m focusing on One Goal and feeling hopeful and energized.
In 2008, I let go of the notion that I am incomplete on my own. This wasn’t dramatic and probably went unnoticed by most.
I’m coming to know who *I* am and finding myself more comfortable within my own skin. In 2009, I’m looking forward to seeing what’s around the corner.
In 2008, I let go of the fears that I couldn’t change. I let go of hanging on to an old vision of me (or at least I’m trying!) and tried to open up to new possibilities. This was a dramatic change.
In 2009, I’m looking forward to improved health. I look forward to getting around more easily and being able to do more. I look forward to feeling better. I am hopeful to get rid of several medications.
In 2008, I let go of the idea that I didn’t deserve to wear nice clothing. I threw out a lot of old clothes with holes and stains. I let go of holding on to these things “just in case.” I recognize that I can simplify my life and my closet.
In 2009, I’m not running out to replace things. I’m finding peace in waiting, for the most part. I look forward to eventually wearing things I used to believe would never be okay for me to wear.
Well, tomorrow the modern calendar turns to the year 2009 and I turn 46. That number startles me every time I think it. I don’t feel 46. I’m still stuck at 27 in my head. I’m looking forward to this year. There are always going to be challenges but I feel much more centered in my own life - I just need to let go of trying to control things that are outside of my control. Or, if not exactly trying to control them, stop feeling like I ought to fix or control them. I guess there’s a difference.
I saw Dr. Fattie’s PA yesterday. I vaguely remember her from the pre-surgical holding area. She seems very nice and pretty much answered my questions before I could ask them. Turns out I was on the full liquid diet a week longer than usual due to the holidays, which made it possible for me to go back to regular food now - with the same limitations I had before, really. I got gold stars - so far, I’ve lost 64 pounds. Again, that is such a big number I think I should be thin already - but there is a long way to go. I’ve never really said how far I need to go, here, because it’s embarrassing to me. But as the amount I’ve lost creeps up I suspect someone might notice it’s a really big number.
My first fill is in four weeks. That’s when they will inject a little saline into the port, for the first time closing down the opening to the stomach. Probably it will feel a little like it did right after surgery. Then over about two weeks the swelling will go down and the opening to the stomach should be about half what it is now - then I have the second fill. After that, I call in when I think I need a fill. As I lose weight, the band will loosen around the stomach and need to be tightened - it’s this adjustability that sold me on the lap-band over the bypass.
I am thrilled to have things to chew again! I probably over-bought food yesterday but after a month of liquid diet it was kind of exciting. Of course, I still have protein drinks to help me keep my protein up where it needs to be. Interestingly, I feel mostly satisfied with these small portions now. It’d be possible to eat a large amount and sure, there is a part of me that would enjoy that - but I’m working on eating for real hunger, not just because I like to eat.
I hope that everyone has a nice New Year’s Eve and a wonderful New Year full of possibilities!
I haven’t forgotten my Happiness Project - I’ve just been a bit distracted. It has definitely been on my mind, however, and I have things I want to talk about - it’s more or less been a matter of slowing down enough to do so.
Interestingly, one of the things I wanted to discuss was a post I found on Zen Habits called, 11 Ways to Cure Someday Syndrome. Someday I’ll get around to that, too. I got distracted by the whole blog and in particular, 16 Ways to Get Motivated When You’re in a Slump.
I’ve been feeling a lot more motivated lately - but it took a long time to get here. I spent a very long time drifting around in the swamp, knowing I needed to do something, but never quite sure what it was or how to start. Every time I thought of something, such as I need to pick a direction, the choices became overwhelming and I found a couple dozen other things that needed to be done seemingly at the same time.
So I was struck when the first of the 16 tips was to have One Goal. One. Doesn’t it always seem like you need to fix everything at once? And I’ve been feeling enthusiastic lately and thinking that all things are possible - while at the same time when I started thinking about goals for the coming year, I started questioning where I was going to find the energy to do all that I want to do.
The truth is, I’ve been working on One Goal since August and it’s gone pretty well. There are certainly different pieces to the One Goal, but overall it is just one Big Picture to focus on - not my usual scattered and confusing sense of not knowing where to go first. When I go through the list of 16 tips, I’ve been doing most of those things this fall - and perhaps that’s why it’s working well for me.
So, perhaps it makes sense to stay with my One Goal for now instead of fragmenting my energy. There are many, many things I want to do eventually and I will, as I have time and energy - but right now my energy needs to stay with my health, weight loss, diabetes and getting fit. That’s all part of the Big Picture. Part of that will be re-working of recipes and learning to make exciting and tasty food that fits with my new lifestyle - and Chickens & Eggs will be a big part of that. Other things will have to wait a while. Not that I won’t work on my photography but it will not be a huge part of my focus for now. Eventually, my One Goal will be, if not achieved, routine. When it does not take a lot of energy to keep it moving forward I can add other things.
As I’ve grown up (or at least more self-aware) I’ve worked on letting go of holiday expectations. Holidays always end up disappointing and a bit depressing since I have such high expectations. I love to get/buy/make gifts for people, whether it’s something really simple or a big an elaborate surprise. In my family in particular, I have a inconsistent record of success in gift giving and these days, mom doesn’t totally understand the whole idea and dad is just not really interested. I’ve done pretty well at not letting that spoil my fun. This is a big improvement.
I’m also at a much more positive place in my life. For the first time in I don’t know how long, I feel like I’m moving toward something good and, well, positive. I have naturally been thinking about goals and I am again unsure about the direction this blog is going to take. I plan, when I’m eating solid food again, to focus on not only healthy food but really good food. I figure if I can only eat a little, that little ought to be excellent! And that goal will be the focus of Chickens & Eggs over the next year. I am, of course, working on health goals with diabetes and weight loss being at the fore - and that goal will be the focus of my writing in the Round Table. So, what happens here?
Another goal I have is to improve and increase my photography. I have a couple digital photography books - including National Geographic’s new book that I got for Christmas. As I feel better I will be able to get out more and I want to really put some effort into learning and making the most of the camera. I imagine that this will show up here. I still would like to improve my writing and practice more um, writing, than my usual train of thought masterpieces I post here. I don’t know, I guess we’ll see how the year ahead evolves.
Okay, so last night (or early this morning, depending on your perspective) I learned all about peanut butter. During the full liquid stage of the pre-surgical diet, I melted some peanut butter and put it on my sugar free chocolate pudding to give it a little extra protein and, dare I say it, flavor. Yes, the warm peanut butter re-solidified in a thin layer on the pudding but I think I did a heck of a good job justifying it.
I was short on protein and not really in the mood for yet another protein shake last night before bed so I got out a container of uber pudding (sugar free pudding made with a protein shake) and melted a little peanut butter. I was impatient and didn’t melt it that well and didn’t spread it that well so it re-solidified into something of a lump in my pudding.
No problem, right? I have no real restriction in the band yet, right? I haven’t felt any restriction with yogurt or pudding or instant mashed potatoes. In truth, I really didn’t even think that much about it. That is, right up until the peanut butter stuck in the new opening to my stomach.
When the band is put into place it is not “filled.” Saline is inserted into the band through the port over time, gradually tightening the opening to the stomach. Most people I’ve talked with say they don’t even feel the restriction until the 4th or 5th fill. So, if I’d thought about it I still would have assumed it’d be okay. But it wasn’t.
Fortunately, it also wasn’t the sort of blockage and over-eating that would cause me to vomit or anything like that. It just made me uncomfortable - and was a very bizarre sensation. I suppose it gradually worked it’s way through and I woke up early this morning and made a cup of hot instant sugar-free apple cider to help it the rest of the way. I’m fine.
So I learned why I’m not supposed to eat cold peanut butter. It’s allowed melted - and perhaps when I can eat solid foods again I’ll try that. Or maybe I’ll just buy some DaVinci peanut butter flavored syrup and use a little in my chocolate pudding. No chance of that sticking!
I’ve been meaning to post a little update. I’m really doing quite well. I have been able to sleep on my side again, which is helpful. I have to be a little careful as I move about but it’s doable. The pain, other than that, is pretty much gone - I’m just left with my usual back and knee, etc., pain.
The first couple days I wasn’t hungry at all. If I drank even water even slightly too quickly I felt like I was overly full. The band is not inflated at all at first, just the swelling from the surgery makes you feel as if it is. I’m still on a full liquid diet for another week and I have started feeling hungry. They didn’t really place any restrictions on me except for the liquid but I’m still keeping my calories between 600 and 800. Mostly that’s okay but if I had something solid to digest it’d sure be nice!
I’ve decreased my diabetes meds further and am staying pretty much between 80 and 100. I probably ought to be testing more often than I am but when I do feel low-ish, I test and I’m still in that range. In some ways, I feel like I’m always eating because when it’s not meal time, I’m drinking those protein fruit drinks trying to get my protein for the day. It makes it hard to have a clear window for testing but it also may be keeping my BG pretty steady.
I’m feeling pretty good - a little irritable! My mom is down every 15 minutes to check on me. It’s not her fault, she can’t remember why I was in the hospital and we go over the “Are you on a special diet?” “What can you eat?” and “Can I make you something to eat?” half a dozen times per day. I try to stay calm and nice but, honestly, that is hard for me to deal with. She woke me up from a nap Sunday to tell me they had eaten dinner and could she make me something?
I’ve noticed in the past couple days that it’s easier to get around. Not just it’s easier to get around post-surgery, but it’s easier to get around in general. I think it’s probably a good sign! I feel like I have a bit more energy, too, but I also tire out pretty quickly.
And that’s how I’m doing…
I’m home from all my adventuring and feeling quite a bit better this afternoon. I believe that hospital stories are really only interesting to the person telling them so I’ll just hit the highlights.
The weather stayed pretty much on the line between awful and okay. Mom had a panic attack because we weren’t planning on having the folks actually at the hospital the day of surgery. Dad was supposed to take me up Tuesday and pick my up Thursday. I stayed in the hospitality rooms at the hospital Tuesday night since I needed to check in at 6:30 AM. Mom and Dad ended up staying in a hotel room so she could be there just in case something unexpected happened. Probably it was just as well given the state of the roads.
After a mostly sleepless night I rolled down to the North Entrance of the hospital and found a nice person who found out for me where I was supposed to go and took me there. They really do have nice people working there. I don’t have a bad word to say about anyone. From there, I went to the angio lab where I had a Vena Cava Filter installed which prevents possible pulmonary embolism. It’s a little weird to think that this little tiny metal umbrella is going to sit in my vena cava from now on - but there you go. It’s apparently possible to remove it should that ever be necessary.
Then we sailed through the hospital up to where I was supposed to have a room before lap-band surgery - but I guess it was time for surgery already ’cause off I went to pre-surgical holding where a parade of people came to talk about the procedure and I saw the doc briefly. Mom and dad were brought in for about 10 seconds and I was able to reassure her that I was doing fine. I don’t remember much of anything between “we’re going to give you this shot to relax you” and coming out of anesthesia in recovery. I was in such a lot of pain waking up that I remember thinking that I had changed my mind and didn’t want to have this done after all.
They pump your abdominal cavity up with gas while they do the laparoscopic procedure and apparently my rib cage and sternum were not amused by this. I have not had that much pain from the actual surgical sites but my chest was miserable. It’s feeling a lot better today and I’m even able to take some deep breaths. Apparently my heart wasn’t happy about the gas either as I heard them talking about the number of PVCs I was throwing. All of that improved when I could start getting some air in my lungs.
Finally, off to a very comfortable room that was not at all where they said I’d be. By that time, the worst of the pain was done. My chest hurt from time to time but I don’t have a lot to complain about. Still, I admit I was missing the intravenous morphine last night when I tried to sleep at home. Mom and Dad visited only a few minutes while I was still groggy but it reassured Mom and they were able to go home before the weather got worse. I was up and walking around about an hour after I got to the room and changed into my jammies from home which were way more comfortable than the hospital gown. I “ate” dinner a few hours later and I was actually a little hungry. It was a challenge to get down the little bit of soup and milk and lemon fluff but it also made my throat feel better. That’s weird feeling. I’ve been eating a half a cup of strained cream of chicken soup the past forty minutes while I’ve been writing this and I have probably a third of it left to go. I imagine that will improve as the initial swelling from the surgery eases off in a couple weeks.
And that’s pretty much it. They decided at one point that I wasn’t peeing enough so they started pushing the iv fluid, yippie. It gave me the opportunity to get up and walk several times during the night. Between that and getting my vitals done every half hour I didn’t sleep a lot Thursday night. Saw Dr. Fattie in the morning and he pronounced me well enough to go home. He said the surgery was hard because my liver was still very large. That was just weird! I’ve been on reduced fat and calories for months and I did pretty well on the liquid died. I won’t claim 100% perfect but pretty close! Oh well, it’s done anyway. The weather was damp and foggy all day - it’s finally cleared up nicely today, isn’t that a surprise?
At any rate, that’s the whole story. I’m home, I slept okay last night but I’m still tired and sore. I’m up and down - and at least getting off the bed is becoming easier, yay! I follow up in a couple weeks and will be on an all liquid diet until then. Thank you all for your kind thoughts, healing energy, positive vibes and prayers!
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