Corgimom mentioned her three good things emails a while ago - plus I read somewhere that I can’t remember about someone who was trying to focus on the good. I said to myself at the time, I should do that.
It’s hard. Do you know that in the home there are like 17 negative comments to every 1 good? Okay, I’m making up the numbers but they were something wild like that. One of the constant issues I have here is the “this is good BUT” I get from my father. At Christmas, I made 4 types of cookies - he loves my cookies, he says, BUT the pumpkin was too soft, the oatmeal was too hard, the shortbread should have had almond in it and he doesn’t like peppermint.
I know someone else that does that all the time, too. “Oh, that’s great BUT - ” It really doesn’t matter what it is. There is ALWAYS a but. And isn’t it true that nothing is ever perfect? In real life everything could be a little different, a little better. I don’t know if everyone reacts as painfully as I do. I find it constantly hurtful. It’s a constant reminder that I’m not good enough - at least to those internal voices. I know, however, as sensitive as I am to it - I do it too. I look at other people’s work and I see the buts, I see the things I would change. Sometimes I’m good at shutting the hell up about it - sometimes, not so good.
Back in the olden days (when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I had a pretty simple sounding client assignment. Write down 15 things you like about yourself. Ten is too easy, 15 is hard. Then, remove all the “buts.” My sample of people may tend to be those who don’t have the greatest self esteem - but I never met anyone who on the first try could get through the list without saying things like, “I like my eyes BUT no one can see them behind my glasses.”
So, when I approach the idea of three good things - I know already about the Buts. I also know that the naming good things can seem trivial or Pollyanna. It can seem fake because even when I don’t say them, the buts may be lurking.
BUT I’m going to try. Maybe even for a whole week.
1) In the wake of weather devastation all around us, we have been tremendously lucky. We are not flooded or blown away. Our flowers and trees are perfectly lovely.
2) Fig Newtons. The world’s most perfect boughten cookie. I’m certain that they must actually be healthy.
3) A nice hot shower with delightfully new smelly gel that does not make me sneeze.
And thank you Corgimom for the idea for a post.