A friend of mine sends me old magazines. It’s nice of her to share and I read some things I would otherwise never see. I ran across this article, “Just One Bite” by Geneen Roth in the August Good Housekeeping.

I like her writing and I have a few of her books – she was the first person who seemed to really understand how I felt and reading “Feeding the Hungry Heart” was the first time I knew that I was not alone in this. At support group last month we talked about food addiction and I was disappointed since it really seemed to stop short of what addiction is, in my perception. It missed the key elements that divide someone who makes bad food choices and someone who has a totally screwed up relationship with food.

From an addictions perspective,, some people abuse alcohol and some people are addicted and some are dependent. Some of the key differences include how often the behavior occurs, how many life areas does the behavior affect, and how severe are the symptoms. I believe the same thing is true with food. Do you overeat on Thanksgiving and other holidays? Are you a few pounds overweight? Can’t most of us say yes to those?

Then there are the tougher things. Do you ever hide food? Do you ever lie about what you eat? Do you ever hide when you eat? Are you afraid if you buy the small bag of M&Ms that you won’t have “enough?” If you open the bag of chips, does it disappear without you even being aware that you’re eating it?

Before I read “Feeding the Hungry Heart” I didn’t know anyone else had ever done those things. They were too shameful to talk about and honestly, they are still damn hard to admit.

I don’t want to get too far off track, perhaps I’ll write about food addiction more some other time. The thing that I’ve been thinking about is this idea of “Just One Bite.”

I don’t deny myself anything, per se. But I also don’t keep a lot of foods around just because I don’t feel I can trust myself with them in the house. It’s artificial and I feel a little silly, I guess. I can’t keep cookies around because I can’t trust myself to eat just one. I believe in the idea that it’s okay to eat just one cookie but unless all I have is one, I don’t know how to make that happen.

Most of the time we are so busy wanting the next thing, the piece we don’t have, that we don’t allow ourselves to enjoy the one that’s in our mouth. When we are busy focusing on what we don’t have, we don’t pay attention to what we do have.

…Think about the last time you ate something you really wanted. Where was your attention after you took that first bite? Was it on the next bite? Did you start thinking about all the things you had to do that day or what your best friend said to you about her hair? Did you immediately think, Oh, this tastes so good, one piece will not be enough, I want more? Did you feel so guilty about having what you wanted that you couldn’t let yourself actually savor it?

…So, here’s my suggestion: Let yourself have what you love. One piece of it, one little bit of it, each day.

…Notice if, even as you read these words, you are saying to yourself, “I can’t be satisfied with just one little bite.” How do you know until you try?”
“Just One Bite

Geneen’s suggestions for learning to trust yourself, learning to take and really enjoy that one piece or one bite, are essentially an exercise in mindfulness – a concept that has always seemed like a theoretical great idea that I have never managed to feel like I put into practice. But, I’ve been trying.

I have started with a small square of Dove chocolate that I already know I can more-or-less trust myself to stop with one. I am trying to be aware of the chocolate, the way the wrapper looks and sounds and feels. The scent of the chocolate, the way it looks and feels in my hand. The way it feels as it melts in my mouth, the tastes and aromas – did you know that dark chocolate tastes like red wine? – and it is so much harder than it sounds.

My mind goes all over the place, I can’t seem to stay focused. I’m always doing, saying, thinking three things at once. I have not yet really slowed everything down around me so that I’m approaching the chocolate like meditation. I think I know what mindful is – but then, I’m not sure.

I’ve been planning to write about this for a couple weeks and haven’t gotten around to it. Coincidentally (or the universe arranging things to her pleasure) Zen Moments has a post about mindfulness today.

It sounds to me as though you’ve been trying too hard to be mindful. We get an idea of what mindfulness is and we try to force things to accord with our idea, rather than feel our way into this question of what is mindfulness. We take the image of it and try to force our experience to accord with the image. The forcefulness of this trying causes the mind to contract. When the mind contracts we become less mindful rather than more, and things seem to go wrong.
Alan Lewis

Yes, that is exactly my experience. When I’m trying to be mindful about anything I ended up thinking about being mindful a lot more than actually being mindful. In the case of eating, I almost never eat separate from talking, being on the computer, reading or watching tv. I am totally not mindful of my eating. And I wonder why.

I don’t want to just eat, I say. I want to enjoy myself while I eat! But don’t I also eat because I enjoy food? Am I enjoying and appreciating the food when I don’t even slow down enough to savor it? To realize and experience what I’m eating?

So, with awareness comes the opportunity for change. I’m not sure how – and I know I need to start small – but I’m going to re-read Geneen’s article and Alan’s post and come up with a plan for mindful eating.

Don’t just do something, sit there!
~Shoey