I have to admit that I have not spent a lot of time thinking happy thoughts this week. I haven’t really been all that sad, either, though. It’s been kind of strange, I guess.
I got two bookcases last Friday (happy!) and spent Friday night and most of the weekend cleaning, stacking, rearranging, throwing, and organizing. I can see and use both of my desktops and I can find and get to my cds and my books. Amazing. I also trashed my shoulder and inspired some exciting back pain. I haven’t felt like doing all that much this week. I’m gradually getting back to normal, so it’s okay.
My eating has been just slightly off. I’m close to my caloric goals and my blood sugar is great – but I’m fudging around the edges. My exercise has been lacking – I’m never quite sure how much you’re supposed to push yourself when you’re already in pain. So as far as goals go, getting back on track is top of my list.
That’s been my week – not really that bad (especially in light of world events) but with an undertone of constant self-judgment. I’m not doing quite good enough. I’m not exactly failing but I could be doing better. Yes, I am not being gentle with myself. I want my wholesome discipline to be perfect and then I’ll be more gentle with myself! MN asked last week how do we define a wholesome discipline. Good question. Perfection really can’t be the goal. But when is fudging around the edges going too far outside of a wholesome discipline?
Well, it doesn’t really matter. As I reminded myself this morning when I was barely out of bed, “Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.” (Zig Ziglar)
Letting go of when I feel like I’ve failed is incredibly important to my happiness. Past behaviors include obsessing about perceived failures and giving up since I can’t be perfect. I have been known to go on wild food binges because I ate one thing off my plan and since I hadn’t been perfect, I might as well chuck away all the hard work.
I have not done that this week, especially today. I am not going to be perfect but I am working to find my comfort zone. I’m trying to be gentle with myself and not judge myself too harshly when I slip. Judging myself is a subtle and extremely effective form of self-sabotage.
This week’s Zaxiom: Yesterday ended last night.
4 Comments
A couple of years ago my employer paid for us to go see Zig Ziglar. I thought, “now what do I need to go and see some old fart selling stuff and talking about how great life is?”
Well, I went and I was impressed. He is over 70 but looks robust and fit. One thing that he talked about that I have not forgotten is “priming the pump” – how on the old fashioned pumps you had to pump it several strokes before the water came out, and how some people would get discouraged or downtrodden and stop and walk away, not knowing the the water was nearly there.. Don’t stop. Keep moving. Don’t let the algae grow on the still surface of the swamp, or whatever blah blah blah
Really well put, MN. (but to be honest I would have thought Zig must be about 130 by now. I think he was in his 60s when I was in 9th grade)
At any rate, I really like that. Sometimes it feels like you are putting a lot of effort into the pumping and nothing is coming out. How do you know whether the pump is broken, the well is dry, or you’re just about to hit water? You’re totally right, you have to keep moving.
That in area in between happy and sad is a weird place isn’t it? Makes sense though – I mean, we’re not always happy or sad are we?
I expect most of the time I am neither particularly happy nor particularly sad. I think many of us think that we *should* be happy all the time, though.