Dee over at Tied to be Fit wrote a compelling post about her planned plastic surgery. When I started this journey, I was sure I’d keep a good attitude about my loose skin. I knew, after all, that I was going to have some and isn’t it better to have loose skin than tight skin puffed out by fat?
Now that I’m 147 pounds into my weight loss, I’m becoming really self conscious about the loose skin, particularly my arms since that is visible. Maybe some of my skin will tighten some – even my hands have loose skin but that looks better at least temporarily when they’re well lotioned – but most of it won’t change. We loose elasticity in the skin as we age and my flabby upper arms are going to stay flabby.
I’ve never said here where I started out or how much I need to lose. I guess it’s become clear as my lost numbers keep getting bigger that I started out at a high number on the scale. It’s getting harder to celebrate publicly because I have the sense of people adding up these numbers and being shocked or disgusted. That’s my problem, I know. Probably the people who care are cheering for me and not sitting in judgement but I feel shame at how far out of control I had gotten. I’d like to live a life without shame regarding my weight, my body, my physical appearance. The loose skin is going to be an issue and I’m not sure how I’m going to approach it.
My insurance will probably pay for the tummy tuck I will need because of the alien but they are unlikely to pay for anything that is strictly cosmetic, like my arms. I want to feel good about the changes in my body, I want to believe that the loose skin doesn’t matter. After all, I’m healthier and able to get around better and eventually I’ll be able to have my knee reconstructed and walk without aid again. Those are all good things. But when I put on short sleeves and see that skin, I just want to hide all over again.
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According to the low carb people here in sweden, some of them at least, the skin will tighten up a lot in its seven year full regenerative cycle, of course that is a long time to wait, but a few people have shrunk to a third their volume and apparently eventually tightened up mostly. (Like http://skaldeman.se/ (has a nice before and after picture if scripting is up) sweden’s own version of Banting, he spoke in his book about massive weight loss and the large bag that caused, but also about how it slowly but surely tightened up.)
I understand, but don’t think you should feel, the shame about the weight, you are doing something about it; and it was not, in my opinion, your fault to begin with.
They say that men have less of a problem with the loose skin than women. Dr. Fattie explained that men carry most of their fat under the muscle (which is bad for them) but doesn’t leave the big folds of skin once they lose the fat – depending, of course, on the individual.
I have to say that I am in the camp that is cheering you on. I know how hard it is to be at any number that could be considered “high”. But I also know that having done what you have done shows your strength. You are doing something that is really, really hard. People who would judge have no right because this is an issue they haven’t experienced; they judge because they are afraid. As in, afraid that they wouldn’t do as well if they had the same struggle, the same burden to carry.
Keep on truckin’. You’re awesome!
~ManDee
http://www.chubbygirlcomics.com
That does suck if it is true, at women usually having more issues with this than men, anyway I hope it will do some shrinking on its own and get better for you too, or that you win the lottery or something so you can afford paying for it to be surgically fixed when you want to do that.
I remain inspired and awed by you, and hadn’t thought to add up numbers other than as successes that occur day-by-day.
Thank you Tish and ManDee! I know in my head that the people who care are thinking supportive and celebratory thoughts – but there’s that little voice inside that says “She’s lost 147 pounds and she still needs to lose more? OMG!”