This has been a difficult topic. There seems to be a clear, yet ill defined gray area between what is normal and what is abuse. You could, back to our alcohol example, characterize any over-use of alcohol as abusive drinking and some people would do so. I see a subsection of over-use as essentially normal behavior. Say, for example, that you have a couple drinks too many at a wedding or a super bowl party. It’s not a frequent behavior and for the sake of the example, say there are no real consequences to it. On the one hand, any over-use is outside of the ideal but on the other, it’s still more or less within the “social use” framework.
Food seems to me to be even more complex. Within it’s complexity, I’m afraid, are my own issues and desire to rationalize bad behavior. Do so-called normal eaters really always stop when they are full? Do they really only eat the foods that are good for them? Do they really never eat when they aren’t hungry? It may be easy to be too rigid in our definition of the ideal “normal eater.” But then again, once you start stretching that definition, it is easy to rationalize or justify bad eating behaviors.
What might we call “normal excess” then? A good example is probably Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a holiday built around food, or so it seems. Many, but certainly not all, people over-eat on a holiday like Thanksgiving. It’s almost expected that you will over-eat. We as a society seem to have an ideal of the holiday that includes a large number of dishes, some of which are only made during the holiday season. We expect to gain weight between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is enough of a “normal” behavior to be stereotyped.
I don’t think we could fairly characterize someone as a binge eater based solely on Thanksgiving behavior. So where is that line? Along with Thanksgiving, there are a myriad of other days that can one may stereotypically overeat. That same Superbowl party where we had a couple too many drinks is bound to have been full of snack foods and other treats. We may eat too much candy around Halloween. We want to get our money’s worth at that buffet.
The line, in my view, has to do with frequency and consequences. The more my food behavior impacts my life, the more it moves from “normal excess” to abuse. It also seems that the more my food behavior moves toward abuse, the greater my desire to rationalize it. I suspect that most of us with issues around food and eating are well aware that we eat too much or make bad food choices. It is not comfortable to admit that we are making these bad choices – it creates a state of cognitive dissonance and therefore, we want to explain away the behavior.
The thing is, that human beings seem to have an almost limitless ability to rationalize. If you want to eat too much or drink too much, you will find a reason to do so. “It’s not that much.” “I deserve a treat.” “Everyone else is eating those doughnuts.” “I’ll do better after the holidays.” “I am so depressed.” “Everyone eats too much at a buffet!” “It’s a celebration, I don’t usually eat this much.” “My team won!” “My team lost!” Chances are, however, if you have to rationalize your behavior then it’s outside of what might be considered “normal.”
Again, when our eating behaviors begin to have a serious impact on our life areas, we have moved from the social use arena into abusive eating behaviors.
Coming up: Abusive Eating – When is it really, really a problem?
7 Comments
Love this topic!
What’s interesting is that as a society, our social events our centered around food. Whether it’s a holiday, and event, a date, going out with friends, etc. — food seems to be a center point. That temptation is always there.
The social pressures to overeat are extremely tough to avoid. By saying no to overeating, you risk social isolation (I know an extreme, but a fear nonetheless). I think this is such an interesting topic – might be part of my research project for my psychology degree . . . we’ll see on that later.
Take care Zazzy! jj:)
Alcohol can be given up completely and another drop will never cross your lips. Food is so different and maybe even more difficult to regulate. You can’t give it up completely. Sometimes with an alcoholic once when they give in to having just a sip it often leads to consuming mass amounts and starting the abuse cycle. So with food it is sometimes a greater temptation. You will always have some so the temptation may be greater to abuse.
Thanks for a great post that of course makes me really think about things.
Thanks for coming by, Joe Joe. I agree, there is a tremendous social pressure to eat in certain circumstances. I have found it interesting that even when friends and family know that I’m trying to follow a food plan, whether it’s for diabetes, gastroparesis or ‘diet,’ they all feel it’s okay to tempt me or virtually force food I don’t want on me ‘just this once.’ I can’t blame them for my choices but I can almost guarantee that if you put the temptation in front of me I will eat it. And you do risk hurting someone’s feelings or seeming to reject them by rejecting their offer of food or invitation to go out to eat. And just to really screw with my head, when I do hold out I have a tendency to over-eat later, as if I’m making up for missing something perhaps?
Hi Tina. Yes, that’s the big difference between other addictions and food. Different people approach it different ways. I was involved with Overeater’s Anonymous which encourages you to find your own form of abstinence. There were those who considered any sugar to be off limits, for example. I have always, in my head, been a moderator. I believe in the possibility of moderation and I think it’s a bad idea for me to totally give up any food. On the other hand, in practice I almost have to be a restricter. I have apparently no ability to have certain foods around me and not eat them. So, in theory I believe in moderation. In practice, if I really want to have that bag of chips or sweet dessert, I can only do it out of the house. I will occasionally buy a small snack sized bag of chips or I will have a small frozen custard from Andy’s. Most of the time that does not set me up for wanting more whereas most of the time if I buy the big bag of chips I will keep eating them until they’re gone.
Thanks to you both for your comments. They will help me as I continue this series. It’s even more complicated as I try to write out my thoughts than I thought it would be!
Thanks so much for writing about this. It is an issue that I struggle with continuously. What is abuse? And is it ok if everyone else is doing it? For me, my body seems to be more sensitive then others. I have to eat very little in order to not gain weight (and forget about losing it). It is then even more difficult during those holiday times to justify behavior.
~ManDee
http://www.chubbygirlcomics.com
Beware your post and the comments made me think! So this comment is long and babbly, feel free to skip it, it is not original either I am sure…
On the one hand I know from recent personal experience that I can not do exceptions, as in having bad foods at home, I will consume them, since it takes will power to avoid buying them, and to avoid eating them, and if they are at home I have to keep willing myself not to eat them, and eventually I will run out of will power and unsurprisingly eat those bad foods.
On the other hand, I do not believe in guilt, yes it exists in our minds, we all probably feel it, and feel we have to rationalize away the guilt, but I think it would be a whole lot healthier to simply accept that we are human and we make mistakes and have hard to control cravings, so when shit happens, and trust me it will, we just have to accept that it was within our nature, and not our fault, and then we try again to stick to our plans.
Rather than say “I screwed up now and I can never fix this” or “I screwed up this month so I begin next month” or “I screwed up this week so I begin again next week” or “I screwed up today so I will start again tomorrow.”
I think we should try to go for “ok so I was human, I screwed up that moment, but that is the past, now I will start again right now.”
Will this be easy to achieve? No, but it will be a whole lot more realistic to not believe we are super humans, or that we are perfect, and that discrete ranges of time have to be perfect, all we can do is to try as best we can to push ourselves towards our preferred behavior, and approximate it as best we can, exceptions and faltering should be entirely unsurprising and expected, and while still undesired they are not sins, or things we need to berate or punish ourselves over.
I know I’m very slow – I’ll make excuses for that another time.
ManDee – that “everybody else is doing it” thing is also hard for me. I think I have a reaction on a par with “it’s not fair!” that relates to dietary restrictions of any kind, whether diabetic or weight loss or whatever. No one ever said that life was fair, did they? It’s hard for me to accept that.
TDW, I agree with much of what you wrote. I really think that the whole guilt reaction is not helpful but – and this is confusing in my head so give me a break.
The addictive personality in me can find it too easy to say, “ok so I was human, I’ll start again right now…” It’s a great idea but I can use it to avoid taking responsibility for myself. Guilt can be a reminder of responsibility and therefore sort of useful – unless it gets out of control which it too easily does. On the one hand, I need to be able to set aside bad choices and move on – on the other, if it’s a repeated behavior “I’ll do better” becomes a lazy excuse.
I know, it’s muddy and circular thinking.
Might be muddy and circular thinking, but it is probably logical too, in some way, I guess one needs to make sure the guilt does not make one throw in the towel, or become all consuming, for me I have to let it go as fast as I can as otherwise I derail fully instead, but we are all different :)